Drowning In My SoapBox Bubbles

Everyone has a soapbox. Some of us have more than one.

I fall in the second category with having more than one. Or maybe I’m just really bitchy.

Anyway…..

I woke up this morning (yes, I’m still in my robe as we speak), and thought I would share with all of you a few of the things that depending on the day, will get my butt on the box.

Here we go:

  1. Turn signals. Don’t you just hate slamming on your brakes because the jerk in front of you decided to turn at the last minute? For the love of all that is holy, use your damn blinker.
  2. Grocery store parking lots. These are the absolute worst. If I’m cruising through there trying to find a parking spot and come upon a pedestrian in the pedestrian lane, quit tip toeing thru the tulips and light a fire under your ass. You might have all day, but typically I don’t.
  3. School functions during flu season. This one gets me. My OCD kicks in and I can feel  the germ particles floating through the cafeteria. I try to breathe shallowly and lessen my chances of illness. I touch nothing. I use the strategically placed hand sanitizing stations like I’m preparing to perform surgery. And then that mom in front of you with the curious toddler (you know, the kid that walks all over the place and touches everything during the performance) coughs in your face. And not just any cough. A wet, chunky, green snot running into their mouth cough. FML I’m gonna throw up talking about it. (on a side note, the last cafeteria performance I attended, a kid puked 20ft. from where I was sitting. Good times.)

4. Screaming kids in public places. Okay check it, I’ve been there. I’ve been the mom with the screaming kid that pissed everybody off. And you know what? I removed him from the situation. Did I miss part of the performance? Yes. Did I go home hungry because I didn’t get to finish my meal? Absolutely. Did I have to go back  to the grocery store later because of the earlier tantrum? Of course. So here’s the deal: don’t be the parent that thinks you’re the exception okay?? Because the world doesn’t revolve around us individually. Even though some days we might wish it did.

5. The expert. You know what I’m talking about. Everyone has someone in their life that knows everything. No matter the subject, this person is an expert  on the topic. Unruly children? Call the expert, even though they aren’t parents yet. Dog won’t quit shitting on the floor? Call the expert, even though they have never owned a dog. Thinking of taking the leap and becoming a homeowner? Call the expert, even though they still live with their parents. I know, I know. You think I’m an asshole. Wait a minute….are you an expert??

Okay dear readers, that’s all I have for today. But don’t worry, I’ll pick up where we left off in the near future.

Have anything to add? What gets you on your  soapbox? Let me know so we can all be bitchy together.

Always end your day with laughter,

Olive Oyl Momma